Kate sat stunned on the sofa after Spencer left. He couldn’t possibly love her just because he felt guilty about Sarah and feeling like he had to help her. Could he? She flipped her legs up on the sofa and pulled down the blanket and wrapped herself in it, confused. And yet, he said he wasn’t obligated. If not, what then? Kate was still in love with John, wasn’t she? Even though he was gone? She sighed and stared at the ceiling wondering what she should do about it, if anything.
Before going to bed, Kate finished pulling everything else out of her suitcase. She came across Spencer’s Bible, forgetting she still had it. Since Sarah was asleep in their room, Kate took the book to the living room and put it on the table. She sipped some hot tea while flipping through the pages. She remembered the night in the hotel, when she had read some of his notations and how personal they seemed.
Was his relationship with God personal? Even though she had sensed God’s presence the day that she remembered going to church as a young girl, she hadn’t given God much thought since. She pondered what she believed, what Spencer had told her that night in the hotel room and the notes from his Bible. Spencer talked about God like he was real, and somebody to talk to regularly. A somebody who had everything under control. She certainly hoped so, because her life was definitely not under control. At least not anymore.
She also considered again why Spencer thought he should be Sarah’s daddy. Where did he get that idea? And how long had he had it? Before she went out with John, or during? Surely not just since John’s death. Spencer didn’t seem the type. He seemed hurt when she said he didn’t have to feel obligated to help her with Sarah since John was gone.
It wasn’t that Kate didn’t like Spencer. Quite the opposite. He was generous, kind, considerate, had wonderful manners, and could be fun. But she had never thought about him in a romantic way. Could she date him? She remembered the times they spent together while John was overseas. She tried to remember if he had ever given her a hint that he liked her that way. She couldn’t think of anything; he had just been his normal kind self.
She wondered what it would have been like to be with John and Sarah. Would John have ever moved forward in their relationship? What if Sarah’s mom had died and John had lived? What would John have done?
All these thoughts swirled in Kate’s mind like snowflakes in a storm. What was best for her and Sarah? What did she want in a relationship, now that John was gone and she had opportunities for new ones?
Kate wasn’t sure that Spencer really knew what he was thinking. Kate knew she was strong-willed and sometimes down right stubborn. Did he know how grouchy she could be in the mornings before her first cup of coffee? Actually, he probably did know more about her after their trip to Iowa. Kate shuddered at the memory. Glad it hadn’t been worse than it was.
Kate finished her tea, put her cup in the dishwasher and went to bed with no answers to her questions. Tomorrow was another day.